Day 24 of Blog-tember and today’s prompt is:
Your fall bucket list. What do you want to do before winter rolls around?
What do I need to do before Winter rolls around (which I’m defining as the end of November):
1. Have re-launched the website for my business
2. Have got a divorce from my husband
3. Have returned to my usual level of income and be living on my ‘no active income budget’ so that I can re-stock our savings
4. Have planned a trip home and paid for the flights
“A dream without a plan is just a dream, darling” (says my Mum), so I’m busy planning, and working, away to make these 4 needs a REALITY.
What do I want to do before the end of November?
– Have finished the Blog-tember challenge (‘Guest blogging’ prompt, how you have tortured me so!)
– Have finished my novel…2500 words a day in November for NaNoWriMo, baby, 2500 words a day!
– Have run a 10K in less than 65 minutes
– Have planned out and written 25 blog posts for October and 25 blog posts for November
– Have re-designed I Will Bloom so it doesn’t continue to look like some poor fake hybrid wedding/inspirational site 😉
– Have made 8 different cakes from recipes I’ve not tried before
– Have taken the littles camping
Why is part of me screaming ‘Actually, who am I kidding? I just want to survive!”? In difficult times, its easy to batten down the hatches and hide away, scared you’re not going to get through it all. But, you know, I don’t think we’re sent anything we can’t handle and, as the saying goes, what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger.
I feel stuck, I feel trapped. I have physical sensations of panic quite often when I think of what has happened to us and where we are and – the worst – where I want to be (home). But I can’t let myself get overwhelmed by those emotions. I have to recognise and validate those emotions but I can’t let them overtake me, because then they’d overtake us (and that’s not an option). They aren’t positive emotions, they’re not going to add anything to our lives. And I can’t deal with anything that’s not positive at the moment. I simply cannot deal with it.
What I need to do, what I have to do, as a Mum, as a single Mum, is steer us through this deluge, guide us to the next bit of dry land and then, once there, shore up, re-assess and move onwards. It won’t do anyone any good if I spend time dwelling on what’s happened, playing the victim and re-playing, over and over again, in my head, all the hatred that’s been directed towards us.
I don’t want to spend any more time in the darkness, in the shadows. I want to use my many talents to get us the hell out of this situation. I owe it to my children to give them back their good life.
So, I plan. I focus on where I want to be, where we need to be, as a family, and I work backwards from that. I work out what little actions I need to take to get us there. Baby steps I can handle. Baby steps every day. Steps that, when actioned, accumulate and, over time, get me where I need to be so that I can get us where we want to be.
It’s what I’ve done all my life. It’s just that now I have to make it work. I don’t cave in to the pressure because my life has taught me that I can do this and that I will do this. I’ve got it. Failure is not an option because it’s quite simply not an option.
Cue one of the most inspirational pins I’ve ever seen (I have it hanging on my office wall and it always, but always, kicks me in to shape):