31 days of moving on: Day 2 – View

Blog-tember is over. How I loved it so. I’m missing it a lot. Missing the freedom of writing to prompts. So, I’ve decided that, along with my regular postings, I’m going to join in with Kate Motaung’s 31 days of five minute free-writing (see here), with my own topic: “31 days of moving on”.

31DaysMovingOn

Why ‘moving on’? I’m in the middle of an icky divorce, trying to get my life back on track following horrendous abuse, and I’m a newly single mother of two beautiful littles. It’s time to forget, to move on. I hope, after 31 days of writing around this topic, that I’ll have liberated myself that little bit more from the torture that is the inside of my head on some days. That the exercise will mean there are fewer ‘worse days’ and only good – beautiful – days. That’s the plan.

So, here goes, five minutes of free-writing on the topic ‘View’…

The view has been bleak for so long, for too many months. Too many unknowns, too many cruel, inhuman, acts to contemplate. Too many acts that make me question why, where the inhumanity came from, when – if ever – it will end. How we will be able to parent together, if that’s even going to be possible. These acts, these questions, these times, they’ve changed me, changed our lives, forever. I feel I’ve been stained, broken, that my body, my mind, my essence, have been cracked. For a while there I didn’t know if I’d be able to put the cracked pieces back together but I see that I can, because I have to. A friend tells me of the Japanese tradition of kintsugi, where broken pots are repaired with gold, creating “perfectly imperfect pieces of beauty” out of things that were once broken. I like that idea. My broken parts stitched back together with gold, to reveal a perfectly imperfect me. That’s a view of myself I can handle. As on so many occasions over the last year, I thank my friend for their knowledge, for their tenderness, for helping me see beyond the fear, the sheer terror. To a place where the view is kinder, more peace-loving, more akin to the way I usually live my simple, but oh-so-beautiful, life. All of life is a perception, a fleeting view of a minuscule portion of infinite possibilities. I want to live, again, with an expanded view, a view so rich and full that I am carried away, joyous and joyful, on its wings. I crave freedom, liberty. I crave honesty and integrity and space. I don’t want my view distorted by this madness. I want my right to live my life on my own terms to be respected. I need to honour my own desires, my own needs, which tell me that I need to begin to live again. Not just to survive but to live. Richly. Widely. Unbridled. My usually always irrepressible spirit free, again, to find joy.

Am using this page as my ‘anchor’ page for links to my responses to all the other prompts:

Day 3: New

Day 4: Learn

Day 5: Stuck

Day 6: Know

Day 7: Go

Day 8: Say

Day 9: Join

Day 10: Care

Day 11: Teach

Day 12: Rest

Day 13: Work

Day 14: Away

Day 15: Life – written but not posted online

Day 16: Adjust – written but not posted online

Day 17: Long

Day 18: Taste

Day 19: Honour

Day 20: Fear

Day 21: Second – written but not posted online

Day 22: Guest prompt – to be announced

Day 23: Look – written but not posted online

Day 24: Dare

Day 25: Enjoy

Day 26: Visit

Day 27: Free

Day 28: Wake

Day 29: Unite

Day 30: First

Day 31: will be announced at 10pm EST (Five Minute Friday prompt)

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2 thoughts on “31 days of moving on: Day 2 – View

  1. Lizelle says:

    Good luck! I know how much your littles are important to you and your choice to learn to live again is going to have a huge positive impact on their lives. Kids are so smart, they can usually sense the fear of a parent unfortunately…so this is going to be a gift that keeps on giving the the important parts of you. Rooting for ya!

    Liked by 1 person

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