Joining in with 31 days of five minute free-writing. Here goes:
I’ve got a lot to learn. Everyone has. Me in particular? A lot. Like how to not put everyone else first and my self last. That’s difficult. How to forget. How to forgive (I’m working on that one, God, I promise). How to live gracefully. How to be a good role model when, sometimes, some whole days, I just want to crumple up and scream until I have no voice left [I don’t ever want to end up like the depressed mother in About a Boy, heaven help me; my fear of precisely that – failure condensed! – is, I think, what keeps me crumple-free!]. I want to learn how to be, simply be. To not be striving or struggling or racing or stressing or ‘x-ing’, just to be. Be content, be happy, be aware – in every moment – how I feel, what’s happening in my environment (not inside my head), what’s around me that’s beautiful or that I could learn from. It’s hard, this life business. Bloody hard. No-one ever tells you that when you’re little (if you were allowed to have an ideal childhood). I’ve come a long way. But I’ve still a way to go.