FMF: Still

Joining in with Five Minute Friday: this week’s word is:

STILL

Start:

I’m still alive. I often comfort myself with that thought. I’m still here. Getting stronger by the day. As a friend says, “Stay strong. Make him wonder why you’re still smiling”. I seek solace, seek time alone to process everything, time to wonder at the marvel that is life and the processes that led me to this place at this time in my life. I’m open to leaving it all, now, in His hands, to see where He will take me, take us; I’ve had enough, to be honest, of carrying this weight alone. This weight that threatened to defeat me. I’m still sad, still angry, still completely aghast at what happened, but I’m open, now, to receiving other things in to my life. I’ve done my mourning – the hard bits – I’m several stages on in the grief process. I need to move on now. Move on to pastures new. New places (even if they’re not physical places; my mind has been well travelled these past few months; I’ve walked pieces of it I never knew existed and feel better for it). New things. A new life. A life with me at the helm. Still full of life. Still wanting to get the most out of life. I want, desperately want, to find happiness again. Genuine happiness. I can feel it in the air, like a butterfly circling me. It’s not quite landed yet but I know it will. I feel its wings fluttering lightly around me, flashing colours in to my sphere of existence. It’s still not alighted yet but it will, it will. I feel happier ever day. Every day a bit stronger. A bit more me. Still not 100% me, but, then, I argue with myself, I’m never going to be the me I was so now I have a chance to become the me I want to be. A giant, walking, canvas: still, waiting, open to any and all opportunities. Painting my future to the music of chance. Still dreaming. Still smiling. Somehow – miraculously – me-er than me.

End.

[Photo by  Griffin Keller from Unsplash]

 

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “FMF: Still

  1. Strong words, beautifully written. May your happiness land on you soon. Popping by from FMF. God bless.

    Like

  2. Beautifully honest. 🙂

    Like

  3. Lizelle says:

    I really enjoyEd reading this post, such beautiful And active imagery. Makes me want to draw happiness as a butterfly in the due process of anticipation of landing. Thanks for sharing ❤

    Like

  4. Hopeannfaith says:

    Raw in it’s honesty. I continue to stand in awe of your strength and courage. Wonderful post. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.
    Blessings,
    Andrea

    Like

  5. richellelwright says:

    so glad you’re still here, too… still growing, changing, moving forward. beautiful testimony!

    Like

  6. Gabriele says:

    You are a wordsmith. I am so glad you feel a little better, a little stronger, and that you are still here.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: