FMF: Prepare

Joining in with Five Minute Friday…on a Saturday! This week’s word….prepare….

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I couldn’t have predicted how my life would change in such a short period of time. I think, though, that even if I had been able to, nothing would have prepared me for the shock and hurt, the sheer disorientation that resulted. To have the life you knew whipped from under your feet, to have everything familiar – your roots – denied to you through the inhuman acts of someone who had committed to a life with you??? Your heart, it’s ripped out of your chest, trampled on repeatedly then stuffed back, dirty, bleeding, hurting, aching for love, for respite, for peace. Then to face repeated abuses following the isolation…it’s hard to see, now, how my trampled heart survived so many beatings, so many lashings. But survive it did. And thrive, actually. Life is meant to survive, you see.

Once you’re out of the abusive situation, the trauma lives with you – a constant but unwelcome companion – but you’re safe, you’re free to be once again. Free to nurture those parts of you that need care, for them to be able to repair, to heal and to grow again. A preparation for a new life. A Spring. Hope-filled. The buds forming, ready to open again, ready for you to shine as you should always have been allowed to shine. For you were made to shine.

You find, somehow find, that life is bountiful, is kind, is everything you knew it was, and more. A stark contrast to how you’d been forced to live, the contrast highlighting even more strongly the wrong, the need to live in the light, the need to nurture, to listen to your body, to listen to your heart, to follow it’s callings. The whole process teaches you to surrender, to give yourself to life, to love, to kindness, to dreams and dreaming. There’s no time to lose, you see.

So you dedicate yourself to dreaming, to planning, to preparing the life you see (the life you feel is destined when you close your eyes and hear your heart), the life you see that feels so real you know, in your heart of hearts, it is there, waiting for you. You used to hear of God’s plans, of the power of surrender, and it made no sense to you. But now it does. You’ve lived it, you’re living it. Surrender, use your gifts, use it all up. Die empty because the life you’ll create will allow you to use every last bit of goodness you have. Don’t hold back on love, don’t hold back on kind, love it all, love them all. Life is showing you the way. Listen. Act. Enjoy. Repeat.

End.

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20 thoughts on “FMF: Prepare

  1. Barbara says:

    What a beautiful post – even with the remembrances of the past abuse…out of nothing HE makes SOMETHING and HE is making a beautiful “SOMETHING” out of you, my friend! I so enjoy reading your posts…thank you for sharing your heart again!

    Like

  2. Carmen Horne says:

    “You find, somehow find, that life is bountiful, is kind, is everything you knew it was, and more.” Such a moving story. Thank you for pouring your heart out to us today. It’s good to be reminded to cherish the good and fight hard to survive the injustice. Bravo! Girl you are a survivor! ~Your FMF neighbor

    Like

  3. Sian says:

    No doubt it’s going to take lots of time, but I think you’ve arrived at something very important – don’t hold back on the kind. That must be one of the best things you can do.

    Like

  4. When you write about your history it just hits me all the way to my guts! I just FEEL it with you. But then I see that survivor in you and I’m amazed at your strength and all you’ve over come. You are my hero. God bless and keep enjoying this new journey.

    Like

  5. Carrie Ann says:

    “For you were made to shine.” Love this!! Your blog has been an inspiration to me. As I read and get the bits and pieces of what you have been through, then see post after post from you, and know that you COMPLETED NanoWrimo…WOW!! I don’t know how you do it with two littles as well, but I’m glad you are, because I am encouraged each time I read something from you, as you share your heart and healing. 🙂

    Like

    • iwillbloom says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words…….so, so much. Hah! How do I do it? Scheduling, planning, keeping to my plan….I’m kind of obsessive about it all, because we only have *me* to rely on…..and the writing, the blog, it’s my ‘me time’….my sanctuary, where I feel most ‘me’….so I carve time out and guard it jealously….[oh….and I hardly sleep, LOL!!!!!!]

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Angel Jem says:

    Wow. You are so honest. I’ve been lucky enough to never experience abuse of any kind close up but you have expressed this so well I am in awe. And to move through the hurt and begin to work to build a new and better life. You are a brave woman. Thank you for trusting us enough to share. God bless you and may you always bloom.

    Like

    • iwillbloom says:

      Thanks for your comment: as I said to another blog friend, if I help just one woman who’s been through what I’ve been through, with my writing about it on my blog, I’ll feel I’ve done my job.

      Like

  7. Liz says:

    I love this! I have been reading your journey and love to see that you are strong enough to share this part of your life with others. To inspire. To help them. To let them know that there really is a brighter side of things. Thanks for sharing!! ❤

    Like

  8. poetry joy says:

    In clicking ‘like’ on this post I meant to say how I actually love your positive attitude and clear-sightedness gained through such pain. At the same time, I hate the thought of all you have been through even as I celebrate what a wonderful survivor you have become. You’re an inspiration to many. Keep up the good work as you write out your life and your heart here. Bless you. ❤

    Like

    • iwillbloom says:

      Hi…..have been so busy I’ve not had time to savour your posts (I don’t want to read them in a rush, so am saving them all up for one night this week when the littles are asleep!)…thank you for your comment. So much appreciated. Helen

      Like

  9. “You find, somehow find, that life is bountiful, is kind, is everything you knew it was, and more.” LOVE IT. Oh you have such a resilient soul. So wish it wasn’t unethical to have you speak to all my clients and the abuse they have suffered.

    Like

    • iwillbloom says:

      Heather….thank you. I will be writing more about ‘this’ topic in the New Year and, as I said to someone the other day, if I help even one woman who’s suffered/suffering what I lived, I’ll feel I’m doing good.

      Like

  10. hopecarrart says:

    In all that you do and say in your posts, all of them, there is a rush of underlying courage and strength, love and concern and above all kindness, even though you have suffered much. You are a modern warrior with many listeners who need to hear your words. Thank you.

    Like

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