Joining in with Five Minute Friday: this week’s word….
I’ve declared 2015 my year of ‘best’: best efforts in all things, best me, best life, best life for my littles, best choices out of all possible choices, best decisions (using my ‘long-term’ lens)….best everything, basically.
This comes after a couple of years of living in sheer and abstract terror, much of the time, and in fear for the remainder of that time. Fear of what was, of what has been and, perhaps worse, fear of what might be [I say worse because fearing something that has no real shape or form, something that might not even happen is so irrational, I now realise, that it’s very irrationality strikes the worst kind of fear – unfounded fear – in to the hearts of even the strongest].
So, I’m starting my year of best and looking forward to see where it will take me, take us.
Part of this ‘best-ness’ (as I’m thinking of it) is being aware of what messages I’m sending: how I communicate, how I present myself, how I appear. It’s led me to thinking a great deal about what I want to be remembered for, how I want to be remembered. I’d like to be remembered as the Helen who was kind, who was generous and loving, who went that extra mile for people always, who lived her life with love, in love with life.
So I find myself thinking about what messages I send out in my interactions. With my littles. To my littles. To friends. To people I meet. To people I greet. To everyone I come in to contact with.
And it’s made me realise that there can, at times, be great differences between what I want to send out and what I actually send out. So I’m working on that: working on being more loving, more patient, more actively kind.
And, you know, I’ve been doing these ‘conscious and constant self-assessments’ for a few weeks now and I feel a change in myself. I feel myself lighter, less loaded down with worry, less fearful, much more joyous. Because I’ve realised that life is joyous, is a cause for celebration. It should be celebrated through putting my best self forward, because in that way, I make my world that much brighter, that much more joyous. There’s no beauty to be found, or had, in hiding yourself away.
Here’s to thinking consciously about what we want to send out in to the world and how we can ensure that we do actually send that out in to the world. Here’s to conscious living: to living consciously in every moment, owning every moment, so that, through an accumulation of moments in which we’re not afraid to show our true selves, we ensure we send out our true – and beautiful – selves in to the world.
Here’s to not being afraid any more.
[I wrote for 6 minutes].