Joining in with Five Minute Friday – this week’s word Break.
[Not my strongest piece of writing ever and, hopefully, the last ‘woe is me’ post here at I Will Bloom…!]
“If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it”, my Grandad always used to say. I never really used to understand what he meant because why would anyone want to break something that’s not broken (I used to think)?
Now, with the accumulated wisdom of a difficult personal situation weighing heavily – often uncomfortably – upon my shoulders, I’m beginning to understand it.
What does it take to break a person? Break a person’s will, determination? Break their stamina and their love for life? Break their happiness, their security, their certainty in themselves?
For me, someone who’s come very close to breaking point over the last few weeks, it took multiple incidents, multiple losses of a sense of self….years of second guessing caused by abuse so multi-faceted, so insidious, that it literally almost did manage to break me.
I feel I’m out the other side of that ‘breaking point’ now, can feel the giddiness of a slow but certain upswing in my life, the beginning of an ascent…slow, slow, quick quick slow, but certainly onwards, certainly upwards.
People can try to break you, try to make you feel bad, try to belittle you, beat you, ridicule you…they can try, they can try. Try try and try again.
But – as the song goes – “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.
The attempts to break your spirit, the depression that comes when one’s in that situation (a depression that’s only natural), it’s temporary, a temporary guard for your body, to allow you the stillness you need to be able to process it all. Whole periods spent in bed, paralysed, literally unable to move, I’ll gladly trade all that for now being able to see, for now being able to not only move around again but to move forwards, onwards, with a renewed sense of purpose.
“If it ain’t broken don’t fix it”…..sometimes you don’t know what bits of you need adjustments/improvements/minor fixes until you’ve had the opportunity to take a long hard look at yourself and see where your weaknesses are (which is where the evil entered and tried to break you).
Once you’ve seen where the weaknesses are, you’re afforded an opportunity to change, to become more, to become (what a cliche!) a better you.
Sometimes even things that don’t feel broken most probably are and will, eventually, need fixing.
And that’s OK.
Life is long for those who dare to live the breadth of it.
For those who stand up, warts and all, and run in to the eye of the storm, run in to their fears, run towards their weaknesses, their anxieties, their insecurities and face them down, wrangling them to the ground. Rising victorious, ready for the next round.
Fortune favours the brave.
And there’s none so brave as a domestic abuse survivor, a single Mum battling valiantly, day in day out (even if sometimes that means, quite literally, minute by minute) for her children, for her right to enjoy her life, in peace.
Life tastes so much nicer, is so much lovelier, I find, when you’ve had the opportunity to be shaken out of a stupor, back to life.
When you’re on your knees again, shouting, in desperation, tears running strong, “Lord, give me a break, won’t you?”….”Just one break please“….(the ‘please’ the most heartfelt one you’ll ever utter)…..in my experience, that’s when you’ll turn the corner, when the things that were threatening to break you will build you. Mould you.
Sculpt you in to a warrior, your battle scars showing ultimate strength.
Scars that, themselves, will be a source of strength. A badge of honour.
“I survived all that?”, you’ll think….
“Bring it on, life, bring it on”, you’ll chuckle, knowingly.
[You answered me and made me bold with strength in my soul].
[My Kindness Counts Fridays posts will resume next Friday – have been so distressed recently, with so many ‘personal matters’ to sort out, that I’ve literally not been able to muster the energy to write them….I can feel one coming, however, so look out for it starting up again next Friday].