Let it go…(you know you want to…)…

Let it Go

There’s several stages of recovery, I’ve learned (the hard way!)….much like grief, there’s certain stages you have to go through, after leaving an abusive relationship, so you can finally start to feel less ‘almost-dead’ and slightly more ‘once again thankful-to-be-alive’.

There’s anger, rage, sadness, melancholy, nostalgia, disbelief (the research must spell it all out in the correct stages and correct order). A veritable cornucopia of ill-gotten, often unwelcome, emotions that have a habit of popping up when you least expect them, hanging around for a while and interrupting your ‘normal’, then disappearing only to morph in to something else an indeterminate amount of time later.

I’m kind of in my second disbelief stage at moment: disbelief bordering on anger and outrage (I feel, some days, like the BFG, looking in to his dream jars, wondering what the swirly mixes inside will deliver). [The Dr tells me this is progress, as this means I’m being consciously mindful of the emotions, which helps to reduce their power]

It’s actually, sometimes, a quite entertaining mix of emotions – heady, you could say – that’s pushing me forwards, onwards, upwards, enraged, as I am, at the injustice of it all. Lone disbelief has been left behind – for the dark reality hit home some time ago – and now I’m raging. Albeit quietly. But still raging.

It should be noted that none of these stages are constructive; they’re all helpful in terms of getting you from a (rock bottom) to b (semblance of a normal life)  – whilst holding that elusive ‘z‘ in sight – but they’re not in the least bit constructive from a practical point of view.

They don’t help in any practical way other than journeying you along. “I’ll hold your hand”, they say, “…but the journey itself? That’s all yours”. Ground rules established, you need to implement techniques, tools, to pull yourself through it, however thick the mud, however glutinous the mess.

One thing I’ve been doing recently, after reading about it somewhere – Google help me, you know you really must know where it is! – is using a ‘Let go’ journal (feel free to unleash the Frozen song at any point from herein on…I’m singing it right now!)…

Alongside my gratitude journal, I spend a moment before I go to bed writing down all the things I’m pledging to let go. The idea being that once they’ve been given a voice (written down), they’ll go off on their merry way and leave me clear alone. 

[Sample entries include ”What if’ thinking’ – Self-blame – The ‘you can’t’ idea – Sadness about the marriage breaking down – and so on….(all with specific examples attached)]

Since I’ve been doing this – self-medicating my PTSD (as my Dr called it) – I’ve noticed that I’m feeling a whole lot less negative, a whole lot more present and – importantly – I’ve been having far fewer flashbacks and have been sleeping so much better.

The whole idea of naming things in order to face them head on is working for me. It gives them shape, a shape I can see, and, importantly, a shape that can be tackled. Without this name, without this identification, they were just – like the BFG’s floaty amorphous dream clouds – intangible…but with disproportionate power to cause trouble, angst, negative. 

I’m a convert to the idea of (what I’m calling) my ‘Let it go’ journal. It’s helped. A great deal.

[And it can’t hurt, can it, that I go to bed, now, humming ‘Let it go’?]

Thought this might be useful for some of my lovely readers (because everyone has ‘things’ they need to let go, things that weigh us down..)? Here’s to letting go and setting free and flying and attaining and generally being fab not drab…

Helen xxx

*Hah! As I was looking for suitable images for the post, I stumbled across this journal from (company?) on sale at Barnes & Noble….it’s altogether too perfect!! [Don’t worry, I’ve still not managed to have arranged the whole idea of affiliate links on I Will Bloom – although every little would help! – I just thought some of you might like it so decided to use the image and add in the link (for your shopping pleasure)!]

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13 thoughts on “Let it go…(you know you want to…)…

  1. Barbara says:

    Good to be reading your heart again…and good to see you are working through things and “letting it go”! I too thought of that song and had it going through my head as I wrote my Five Minute Friday post on “Dwell” – you know, don’t “dwell” on it; just “Let it Go”! I actually LOVE the Frozen songs!

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    • iwillbloom says:

      Hah! I haven’t has a chance to pop over to you (and when I did, blogger wouldn’t let me leave a comment….)….I’ll have time to pop over to you at the weekend….Happy Thanksgiving week my friend!!!!

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  2. It sure all makes a lot of sense. Those stages you need to go through, and I’m so happy you’re having help to deal with it all. I love the “let it go” journal idea! I think that would be therapeutic on so many levels.
    Kudos to you – for your own sake (& that of your kiddos) to be dealing with things head on and muddling through, so that you can come out the other side stronger and healthier! 😉

    Blessings to you and the Littles for a very wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving my dear Helen! xoxo

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  3. Gabriele says:

    A let it go journal is a fabulous idea. I probably would have the same page listed over and over again. There are some things I let go habitually. Perhaps the pull to respond gets weaker overtime. I find if I listen to the spirit it is usually sending out a warning. “Don’t get in that rut.” Your being more mindful is the ticket. I so appreciate your sharing the struggle.

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    • iwillbloom says:

      Gabriele, that’s the thing: I’ve been doing it for a month or so now and, when I started, I thought the same: I’ll just be listing the same things but, after about ten days, there was a shift: I’d definitely, actually, let some things go and had moved on to others….love the idea of the pull to respond becoming weaker over time (I guess that’s what the act of writing it down encourages)….thanks for your kind words….Happy Thanksgiving week!!!!! Helen xxx

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  4. Joy Lenton says:

    Love the way you are taking control of your painful circumstances in such a positive way, Helen. The ‘let it go’ journal idea sounds great, helpful and cathartic. And I raise my coffee cup to these words: “Here’s to letting go and setting free and flying and attaining and generally being fab not drab…” Amen! Here’s to embracing the new and relinquishing the old on our way to greater freedom in life and faith. Lots of love and congratulatory hugs to you, dear friend. Xox ❤

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  5. carlybenson says:

    I also think the “Let it go” journal sounds like a great way of tackling things. There is something really powerful in naming our fears and worries and facing up to them- it somehow loosens the hold they have over us. So glad you’re noticing it making a difference. xxx

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  6. alexa says:

    This sounds a wonderfully helpful way of being right now, and I could do with starting one of those too!

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  7. PS: If you get a chance Helen – please pop by to enter my giveaway dear Friend! I’m wanting to thank my blogland family for being such blessings to me. I started the giveaway last week and it ends tomorrow. I can’t imagine you not being part of that my Dear!! Would love a chance for you to win. Blessings. xoxo

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