FMF: Prepare

Joining in with Five Minute Friday…on a Saturday! This week’s word….prepare….

Start

I couldn’t have predicted how my life would change in such a short period of time. I think, though, that even if I had been able to, nothing would have prepared me for the shock and hurt, the sheer disorientation that resulted. To have the life you knew whipped from under your feet, to have everything familiar – your roots – denied to you through the inhuman acts of someone who had committed to a life with you??? Your heart, it’s ripped out of your chest, trampled on repeatedly then stuffed back, dirty, bleeding, hurting, aching for love, for respite, for peace. Then to face repeated abuses following the isolation…it’s hard to see, now, how my trampled heart survived so many beatings, so many lashings. But survive it did. And thrive, actually. Life is meant to survive, you see.

Once you’re out of the abusive situation, the trauma lives with you – a constant but unwelcome companion – but you’re safe, you’re free to be once again. Free to nurture those parts of you that need care, for them to be able to repair, to heal and to grow again. A preparation for a new life. A Spring. Hope-filled. The buds forming, ready to open again, ready for you to shine as you should always have been allowed to shine. For you were made to shine.

You find, somehow find, that life is bountiful, is kind, is everything you knew it was, and more. A stark contrast to how you’d been forced to live, the contrast highlighting even more strongly the wrong, the need to live in the light, the need to nurture, to listen to your body, to listen to your heart, to follow it’s callings. The whole process teaches you to surrender, to give yourself to life, to love, to kindness, to dreams and dreaming. There’s no time to lose, you see.

So you dedicate yourself to dreaming, to planning, to preparing the life you see (the life you feel is destined when you close your eyes and hear your heart), the life you see that feels so real you know, in your heart of hearts, it is there, waiting for you. You used to hear of God’s plans, of the power of surrender, and it made no sense to you. But now it does. You’ve lived it, you’re living it. Surrender, use your gifts, use it all up. Die empty because the life you’ll create will allow you to use every last bit of goodness you have. Don’t hold back on love, don’t hold back on kind, love it all, love them all. Life is showing you the way. Listen. Act. Enjoy. Repeat.

End.

Kindness Counts Friday – Christmas edition

It’s Friday. That must mean it’s Kindness Counts Friday (Kim’s brilliant idea; I’m hosting until she’s back in BlogLand).

It’s a Friday in December. That must mean it’s a special Christmas edition of Kindness Counts Friday….

(If I was a designer/knew how to use PicMonkey, I’d have cocked the Santa hat at a jaunty angle!!)

Anyway….here goes, with the acts of kindness I’ve engaged in or witnessed this last week:

1. I have been feeling unwell for most of this week. Nothing major but it’s meant I’ve had a few ‘huffing and puffing’ moments as I’ve tried to get my strength back whilst out doing errands. I’ve been amazed by how many people have stopped to ask me if I’m OK/offer me a drink of water/help.

2. I had some surplus stock (of headbands/hair clips etc) from a business I used to run, so I packaged the things up and offered them to the charity collection at the local hospital as Christmas presents for the children they attend. It took me a couple of hours, in total, to organise them and I’m so happy to think that there’s now a few children here who’ll have an extra smile on Christmas Day.

3. I had a whole load of Christmas decorations that we just weren’t using so I donated them to various people I know, all of whom love Christmas too but have never been able to afford their own decorations. The smile on their faces was a picture.

Now on to the acts of kindness I’ve witnessed/ideas I’ve read about/amazing ‘kindness-related’ posts I’ve read over the last week:

1. This post from Kathleen at Positive Adoption: loved her writing, loved the story she told. Loved that she reminded me about ‘doing a good deed for the day’.

2. This post from Liz at SimplyComplexMum: all about the power of giving. Her writing soothes me and this post really captured my attention.

3. This post about ‘Giving simply to give’ (from a fellow Five Minute Friday-er). Loved it. And her idea about starting a ‘Christmas Love Train’ (see details here)? Just brilliant! Imagine if even 20% of my readers made just 2 stockings each, that’d be a whole lot of Christmas love being sent around, brightening people’s days during this Christmas period.

3. This post about Christmas Jars from Tammy at Grace Uncommon. [You can read more about the Christmas Jar idea in Joseph Wright’s original book; we have Penny’s Christmas Jar Miracle – a beautiful children’s book – in our Christmas book collection…it comes highly recommended for anyone with children/grandchildren, as a way of introducing them to the concept of giving, not just receiving, at Christmas time].

4. Kindness Elves from The Imagination Tree: using the ‘Elf on the Shelf’ idea to spread kindness. **Love it**!! 

5. Momastery’s (Glennon Doyle Melton’s) Holiday Hands phenomenon. A testimony to the power of the blogging community to unite for spreading good. Was in awe as I read all about it. Wow. [I’ve made a mental note that if I’m in a position to do something like this myself next year, via I Will Bloom, I’m going to do it].

That’s about it for this week…let me know about your own kind acts or links to any posts you think I’d like. I’d love to hear about them!

Last but not least…

Kindness Counts Friday

Hi all.

No Kindness Counts Friday today as it’s the holidays and you all should be doing relaxing things with your loved ones….not reading my blog!

Will love you and leave you with this, until ‘normal service’ resumes shortly…

Turn

Joining in with Five Minute Friday hosted by Kate Motaung: word this week – turn

Start

I toss and turn. 2am. My nemesis. Moriarty to my Sherlock. Insomnia rattles, shakes its chains, uninvited, like some unwelcome party guest, breaking the flow of my dreams, interrupting my sleep, the sleep I need to face it all, making me get up out of the bed I was enjoying so much, to pace the flat, trying to find something to do for an hour or so until sleep lulls again. 2pm. Dead on my feet. Things not turning out as I wanted – or need. Breathe. Patience. You’re tired, you think, do yourself a favour and ride it out. Be kind to yourself. Have a cup of tea, sit down for ten minutes and you’ll be fine. You’re not fine, however. You fall fast asleep, sat upright, tea in hand, waking to the feeling of your daughter gently pulling the cup out of your hand with her tiny, still-chubby hands. Turns out a ten minute nap is just the ticket. I feel refreshed. Able again. I’ll be fine for the five and a bit hours until bedtime. We’ll enjoy ourselves, we’ll have fun. I’ll be able to turn this nightmare of a life in to some decent childhood memories – admittedly strung together between stolen bathroom moments when the tears overwhelm me and flights of panic when life overwhelms. It’s not ideal. But then, nothing is. Making the best of what there is. That’s the turn of any Mama who loves their children as dearly as I love mine. Their childhood is sacred. My nemesis, my 2am tossing and turning, everything else: none of these things will dim my devotion to my mission. Of raising my children in as loving a place as possible. Their childhood is sacred. Nothing, nothing will get in the way of their inalienable right to a calm and loving childhood filled with warm and loving memories. I, their mother, owe them that. My shoulders are broad enough to take anything, even hurts soul-deep, so that they don’t have to be touched – even feather-like – by any darkness. Turns out it’s simple: you get through it by going through it. One day the tide will turn and we’ll be out the other side. I can see it. More importantly, I can feel it. Bristling, bobbing, revealing parts of itself. The little tease. It knows I want it.

End

Having…

…a rough few days.

Will be back as soon as possible…look out for the delightful guest post tomorrow for How to fall in love with your world...

In the meantime, I’ll let Emily Dickinson do the talking…

Blog-tember: Day 27 – Wish list

Day 27 of Blog-tember, and today’s prompt is:

What’s on your wish list? Be sure to include links so we can shop, too 😉

I’m flat broke, following recent events, and have kind of reached an almost zen-like state where I don’t feel I need more stuff BUT I know me, and I know that when my pay checks do start rolling in, any time now, I’m likely to go a little bit beyond the ‘re-stock the household savings’ budget I’ve drawn up.

On what, you ask?

Books, mainly. I can’t resist them!

1. A Year with Rumi by Coleman Banks.

2. Their Eyes were Watching God by Zora Neil Hurston.

3. The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver.

4. White Oleander by Janet Fitch.

[I have, also, promised myself an iPhone 6 for Christmas – and it’s damn well going to happen! – the big version, I’m done with tiny smartphone screens -my 40 year old eyes are not what they once were!)]

And in my ‘In the wake of Lottery pay day’ dreams, you ask?

1, 2, 3, 4

My dream plot of land by the Caribbean sea (I’d still build the house myself); a Mews house in London, somewhere near one of the parks; a really cool bike; a Morris Minor (oh, the smell of them!)….fairly little ‘big’ dreams, in that many non-millionaires/non-Lottery winners have these things…dare I put some of these things on my vision boards and guide myself towards a big break? Dare I? [Note to self: you don’t get anything unless you dare yourself to reach for it!]

What’s on your wish lists – the every day ones and the ‘big money dreams’ ones? Tell me in the comments, I’m nosey and I’d love to know!